Morning!

Had a great day yesterday. Canon Photomarathon 2012 was a stepping stone for me towards my photographic journey. How I feel amongst all the participants? Hmm, how am I suppose to feel good about myself if most of them are carrying big ass DSLRs? To my knowledge, my digital camera has more disadvantages apart from being good outdoors.

There are three themes provided by the event to make it more challenging. "Wonder" is the first theme. What I took was this.

Second one is titled, "Harmony"......... and come to think of it, it is ironic to associate with birds..

The third and the last one, titled "Pleasure". Emotions said  it all.

Learnt alot from this event, from knowing your mistakes and make your most out of it. So thankful that school gives us a chance to be be competitive with the amateurs out there. Simply said, the amateurs are way better than us in terms of concept, definition and the presentation..

"Photography is a lifelong experience."

Never mind, it'll be held every year... Gonna improve my skills man! hahaha... 

Till then, Happy Birthday to you. :)

Ceh da 16 tahun seh..

All the best in your major exams....

Make your parents proud aite! 

As you always said to me "Jangan putus asa.."

I'll strive for my dreams

even it's getting tougher

Okay enough of the emotions... Hahaha :) 

  

Hectic day today...

Makin boring eh hidup. Memang. Kawan pun macam biskut, sekejap ada, sekejap tak ada. senyap je. Maybe you find me annoying. And I feel totally rejected. Thanks.

Okay goodbye for now.


aku bersyukur atas apa yang aku ada sekarang, whenever I feel that's something is not enough, I look at those who really need it, for eg. shelter, food and basic necessities that could cover daily usage.

there's a saying goes when a person is capable of having an easy life.

"tangan memberi lebih baik dari tangan yang menerima."

Never look down on those who has disabilities. 

My message for you.

Assalamualaikum :),

kepada kawanku yang dikasihi,

Hari ini saya macam ada hasrat gitu untuk sampaikan sesuatu. Pertama sekali, terpulanglah sekiranya kalau awak hendak menerima atau tidak. 

Saya minta maaf atas segala kekata yang mungkin mengecilkan hati awak,dan perbuatan saya terhadap awak, mahupun sedar atau tidak. Maybe all this while I'm like ignoring you, tend to argue and so on, tetapi wanna know something, from the start I never knew that I'll fall in love with someone. Just that, put aside all those negative things/habits, cause that can be modified.

Nak kata saya risau, memang saya risau. I'm just plain worried, neither answering DMs nor tweeting, it just made me feel uneasy at the end of the day. Maybe I was expecting too much, but it turned out to be the other way round. 

Dulu, awaklah yang selalu ingatkan saya, buat saya gembira.. and so on. And from the bottom of my heart I really appreciate it. :) Tapi sekarang apa kan daya. Allah sedang menuji kita untuk menuju ke jalan yang halal, dan juga diredhai. Mungkin juga tidak kesampaian. 

"Maybe I'm not good enough, or maybe I'm not that well-off. Hmm.. I'm just a normal guy, without "A&F guy" type of body, too kind-hearted, and also have nowhere else to go if I walked till the end of the road; indecisive most of the time. I always forgive people even when the person disowned me."

Lastly,..........................................

the decision is up to you. By any ways, I had no choice but to accept it. 

Thank you for the friendship for the past year or so. 

P/S, you'll be expecting a letter soon. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Wishing on a star

no matter where you are

lalalala budak boring dah tak tahu nak cakap apa lagi....

taknak buat napha boleh.... malas aaaaaah

yay iPhone 5 dah keluar... haha! 

hmmm. kenapa aku tak ada adik beradik byk eh? kdg2 malas pulak nak buat kerja rumah. hehehe. NAK KELUAR JE TAHU EH

mcm nak pergi gardens by the bay lagi... takkan sorg aje.. kan3? ;)

boring seh tiap2 friday kena jual katira.. tapi best jugak kalau dapat duit. hehehehehe. eppp kena ikhlas. 

tak sanggup seh kena reject, walaupun indirect. rhyme tak? hah :)

ok ini last, just my thoughts...

kalau dia terima kita seadanya, ikhlaskan diri kita, sentiasa berasa syukur atas usaha org tu yg terima kita punya kekurangan, kesalahan, dan sebagainya. Hormatilah dia kerana mungkin suatu hari nanti kita tidak akan dapat orang yang sama seperti dia.. mungkin dia tidak sempat untuk perbetulkan kesalahan kita kerana tidak sampai hati untuk menyakitkan hati kita. 

Okay itu sahaja dari saya, segala kebaikan itu adalah daripada Allah, dan segala kesalahan/keburukan itu pada diri saya sendiri. 

Ya Allah Tuhan yang maha kuasa, ampunilah segala dosa kami, selamatkan kami dan keluarga kami dari neraka saqarMu, lindungi kami dari segala dosa yang mungkin akan menyesatkan kami. Ya Allah tunjukkanlah kami ke jalan yang benar ,jalan yang diredhaiMu. "Rabbana aatina fedunya hasanah, wa fel aakhirati hasanah, waqena azhaabannar. Walhamdulillahi rabbil 'alameen."

Sekian, Wassalam.

(sorry kalau bbl cmpur2... hehehe)

Bismillah. It's sunday.

Hmm. Normal week for me. Aaaaand a silent one as well. Except for yesterday. Jalan raya with ex-classmates. Hehehe. That really calmed me down except for the van rental. Nevertheless, everything went well, Alhamdulillah. :)

Felt so different few days ago. lost, no objective for the day, and so on. And I don't know why almost everyone's angry at me. People judge what. Semua benda aku buat macam salah gitu. Berdiam salah, nak argue pun salah. Macam mana nie. Buat bodoh je lah.

Spent most of the time monitoring my granddad, well only by bathing him, and positioning him on the bed.. Otherwise, if it's before exam, revision after that. aaaaaand went back home around evening time..

Sometimes, the situation around me is an eye-opener and made me even realise how 'imperfect' am I in this world. Kdg2 kita tak sadar akan kelebihan yang diberi Allah swt, apabila satu hari ditarik, manusia tersebut akan rasa kesal. Kelebihan dunia membuat manusia terpesong akan kebendaan dan lupa akan dasar sebagai hamba Allah yang hina di muka bumi ni. I always remind myself of being grateful for whatever I'm having right now. Kerana tiada benda yang kekal di alam yang fana' ini.

I've yet to balance out my needs and my intentions. and I should make this clear to myself that what you want, is not what you need. Because most of the time, I can't be too dependent on my parents...

As of today, it's an open house for relatives. Hope that everything will run smoothly Insha'Allah. :)

Permudahkan segala urusanku. Ameen ya Allah.

Hidup ini unik. Penuh seninya. Tidak selalunya berbunga ceria, tidak juga sentiasa berduri bahaya. Selalunya juga apa yang diharap-harap, tidak pula dinikmat rasa. Apa yang hendak dicampak jauh, dikejar-kejar pula menimpa. Lalau jika dihayati sebenarntya, ia penuh dengan warna-warni kehidupan. Bagi alam ciptaan Maha Esa ini, ada kurang disebalik sempurnanya. Dan ada sempurna di celah-celah kekurangannya. 

What I feel today? Inevitable.

Put aside all the insecurities, cause someone just had a chill pill. Nobody puts you into that state of envy-ness until someone did. Hmm thought that this year could be a exciting year to endure with, but it turned out to be otherwise.

Passion has always been the thought for me when I’m in school, learning my favorite subject. But the world does not only revolve around that. Responsibility has been a task for me to endure as I have to take care of many things; currently my paternal granddad.

Friends’ around me. Classmates has been loyal to me since the first week of starting of school term, namely, Faris, Guo Hui, Zachary, Weifeng and Zhen Wei. Whatsapp back then is as quiet as a graveyard. But now, us as a group become quite noisy, with all meme posting and all those stuff. Ex classmates/schoolmates just come and go…. Sometime without notice.

All I know about today is, something that had gone missing. Finding around does not meet the objective, but let it appear on it’s own. It’s back and will continue to haunt me years to come, if I had no chance at all. I know that hoping everything at it’s best won’t turned out to be as expected, but at least, I do make some effort. Maybe it’s indirect. But the strong feeling was truly unavoidable.

Only 3 things , well 4 actually, is currently my weekly cycle.

Family > School > Mosque activities > My own past time

When it comes to school holidays, mosque has been my 2^nd home to spend some time on. Be it religious activities or just chit-chatting (bermanfaat ah haha) . Aside from family issues, I’m still struggling to stand on my two feet.

Ustaz Mahyudin has been the best motivator to me. Even he ain’t the Youth Development Officer at the Mosque anymore, he still care about the organization, which is called syabab. To cut it short, he has been the best advisor for the organization. Priceless moments with him is just, memorable. He’s the one who called me ‘ayat’ apart from my circle of family.

Well, that’s all for me. Throughout this post, there is a hidden message. Got psychic powers?  You just figured that out. HAHA :P till then.

Wow, it’s been awhile since I had a proper blog post. Hehe ;)

I don't want this to end.

I could recalled back how sensitive you are back then, but now, not that I'm being a two timer or something, you're different. Different from who I've known. I particularly felt elated, even with a single-sentenced message received from you, not that I'm a loner or something, cause I just had nobody to relate to, except for ustaz. haha . My "friends" are just "there" when they really need their help. Otherwise, I'm standing on my own feet. Well, everyone does. 

That's all from me. Till then, 

have a good evening! :)

Hmm, an explanation, or just an excuse?

It may have several reasons to define it. Or the claimed reason turned to be an excuse. It may be abit indirect, but to the think of it, it is somehow true; based on how you judge people by its sentence structure.

An excuse is the very best way to create a nice explanation. Just because it works all the time, doesn’t mean that you can lie to yourself.

I know that you’re having exams, this and that for the next few months. I still can survive. Not that you won’t do the same as for me. If I can tolerate with this conditions, why can’t you?

I don’t know lah if you remember or not. Last year, within my O level period, I do spare some time time talking to you. Just remember that. You’re the person I put on my priority list before my friends.

I don’t know lah. If you want to believe in this or not.

If people is certain about the future, one will struggle no matter what just to get it. That’s what satisfaction comes in. If life is like a seed being carried off by the wind, we adapt the changes and get used to it. But we didn’t reach to any goal or aim.

Hmmmm. Kalau awak perasan lah. Time awak exam ke  ada test ke (busy period), ada saya message awak? Kalau ada, tunjukkan saya okay? Kalau tak  ada,  bermakna saya nak awak focus dahulu. Do you see the trick?

Jangan anggap dalam masa setahun ini adalah masa yang telah dibauang begitu sahaja. Walaupun tiada yang berkekalan di dalam dunia ini.

If not, I wasted my time,

                                               

                                Telling you secrets from a-z,

                                                Having conversations till the wee hours of the morning,

                                                                Concerning, caring and sometimes, sparing my time.

                                And one more thing,

                                               

                                                Really hope that I’ll marry you one day.

And I’m certain about this.

That’s all for me.  Till then,

Take care, and love didn’t even stop there yet.   

and I'm not even fit enough to be in an A&F model. :P              

It's been a month with new classmates, and the atmosphere. Things do get abit tight sometimes. So many attitude-ness going on. One, being a lousy leader who prioritize with his sick emotions, the other is showing no interest. And the rest is just, normal. Sometimes playful. Well, what's new. I thought it would be a different kind of teaching? But it's like back to secondary days. being scolded cos of not getting the work done, or from some kind of behavioral aspects. 

Internet Fundamentals and Applications is one of the toughest subjects to handle. Just because of it's complex coding. Some managed to sail through but some intend on giving up. For me I should strive through. Even if it's heavier to accept that there's no final exam on this particular subject. 

That's all I wanna share, in proper english though. Till then, welcome to my 'whatever you name it' world.

Ade satu budak nie, nama dia faris. He's an open person, but One thing he's lacking. The personality. He's like, looking through someone who could be trusted. And he's a 'soft' person. Aku takle tahan bile tgk die kene buli verbally, cos die, ntah eh, mcm ade sifat selalu mengalah.. and didn't show his 'man-ly' attitude. lol. Sorry kalau terasa. :) 

Class aku ade puak2. mcm biasa lah. terkehel2 pn ade jgak. Well, what's new. Kalau sume melayu kan bagus? racist pe aku hahaha... :P memaen je. hehe ok lah goodnight. 

2:30 am

11/5/2012

Di mana?

Di manakah
keluarga
yang ku kenal
yang dahulu ku sanjung
kerana hubungan
yang begitu
erat.

Di manakah
sahabat
yang ku hargai
sehingga sayang
untuk dipinggirkan.

Takdir
perkara yang
selalu menghantui kami
tetapi
ia menjadi suatu hikmah
jika tidak ingkar
dengan kuasaNya.

ia hanya
boleh membuatkan kita
berhubung semula
atau terpisah.

one week of fun and excitement.

It's been 10 days since school starts. It's a roller-coaster ride experience as I need more time to adapt with the environment. Made friends, as usual. All guys are almost 'geeky' type except for some of them, as usual, make the class lively.

I felt comfortable day by day, but still, I feel homesick. I miss my old school. It's abit odd somehow to blend something which is too secular for me. But nevertheless, havta get through it. :) Got this one guy who had done with his NS. Huat ah! life's easier le.. How I wish I was in his position. after graduate, then can proceed easily, no need to defer this shit. hahaha.

1st week was quite fun, got to know more people, and there more guys in games development then in ICT(Info-Communications Tech) which is amongst my class. Oh well, what's new. 2nd thing is, the number of people in my class is almost the same as to my former ones. OH MY I MISS THEM ALOT. IDK WHY. bila time sekolah, tak sabar nak keluar, bila dah keluar, rindu pulak, hais.....

Oklah, last note before I call it a day. I felt that this laptop feels better while typing rather than my big size monster. better performance, but not so-called finger-friendly. but prevent frequent typos lah. hahaha. :)

Hmm, that's all from me. Till then, I've got a long way to go.
Goodnight, eventhough it's early.
8:20 PM
18 Apr 2012

I've got 10 minuites to post this. hope this should be enough. pakai netbook org.. dasar #taktahumalu. hehehe.

Gonna rant on some stuffs.

Firstly, maybe they heard my 'disagreement' towards some issues that I posted here previously... back then, I'm depressed with what's happening around me.. Thought that they (somehow) changed hearts on volunteering this upcoming event just to put a smile on my face, I guess. Well, no hard feelings for now.

Been busy (playing games/researching some course-related stuffs/rooting my phone) during the week. New school starts this upcoming Monday. My current emotion; nervous within excitement.

Till then~ Have a good day! :D

What a fantastic day!

I received something very meaningful , and make me even wiser. How I wish I could be a psychic, like you. :P

I also didn't bother to count how many months we are (technically) together, 10 months I guess. that would be great! I'm such a lucky guy to be friends with you (kembang sampai koyak. lame :P) I guess this is what I (or we) call in a nutshell of whatever happened last year around august to end of October.. I felt touched , and at the same time guilty for whatever I've done. I apologize for anything that makes you hurt so badly. But still, we made it till now. :) Hope that we will made it till the end (if fate determine) insya Allah, Amin ya Rabbal 'alamin.

Now to a different story.

Where are my ol' friends? :(

Recent activities make me (somehow) pissed off with them. I may not tell their names cause it will bring more shame to them. Just because of "a person", everybody (my known friends) follows suit. I also don't understand why you want to have "grudges" or feeling 'envy' towards *elite* people. The problem started with you alone, and it influences other. Just to prove that how influential you are, you (and more to the other person) bring me to the mosque and join the youth wing.

I thank you (guys) for bringing me here, it's a moment that I could share with you (guys) for almost everything. But why you guys pulling yourselves out, one-by-one? I felt disappointed. Just because of some behavioural act(s), you feel demoralised.

I am totally disappointed with all your acts. (i know who you are). I cannot advice already cause you're grown up. It's up to your initiative to stay within the organisation or just leave. Tak boleh disuruh, bila part sekolah, sampai jadi "pak sanggup". Hais. Da dapat "kuasa" lah katakan. sibuknya tak terkira sampai takde masa utk tlg mesjid.

Ha, ni lagi satu, buat school projects kat masjid. Pakai masjid nye facilities. Abeh tak tahu balas jasa. Might as well jgn datang kan lagi bagus. Jadi comittee tak ada rasa tanggungjawab pada diri. and pasal chairman tu kawan kau, bole suka hati ah. PLS EH. Da jadi mcm DISRESPECTFUL aku tgk. Nak main2, ada tempatnya. Aku rasa Victorians tu eh lagi baik dari kau. Byk nah kau pey "benci pada elite's" oops sorry I might blow myself up but who cares. I made the conclusion to write this cause updating status at facebook, and twitter is useless. Aku bkn nak bbl buruk pasal kau lah. But just telling the truth. Dah . Malas nak ckp lagi, nak tolong ke tanak , suka hati kau lah. kalau taknak, jangan datang lagi pun cantik. For two years I've known you, now you are showing your very true colours, good job man, good job. Teruskanlah mcm g2 nye perangai. And Prove me wrong if you can succeed in future without starting from the bottom, and how hard you feel being on top.

That's all for me , till then,

I'll keep my promise till fate brings us together, I do have that strong feeling as well. Thank you very, very much for the gift, it motivates me to become a better person, and it's priceless. Memories make me laugh and cry.

I just wait for the perfect day to come,

saying that:

I'm ready to face the challenge,

but promise me

that we'll face it together,

despite all boundaries.

"I love you" .

forever and always will be.

ok yat, future 1st okay. bear that in mind. kekeke :D

kekadang aku sanggup,

kekadang aku asal boleh,

kekadang aku malas nak layan,

kekadang aku matikan diri je.

I felt like today is the most tiring day of my life(fake) - tiring day for the week only.. So many things to settle due this week and yeah, so many emotions yet to overcome.

bila aku nak dapat gaji nie............ it's been soo long now.

Mixed feelings, emotions, and all. I maybe made a bad decision. Maybe it's important for you all but what do you get in return? Compliments? Maybe I didn't expect that initially, but at least have some understanding. I can help you, but when it comes to me, bunch of sweet escapes were given.

Maybe I couldn't give them face anymore? but if they insist on using other* facilities... I don't mind. But would you give something to them in return, cause not everything(nothing) is free in this world.

Friends, maybe I could understand that kind of 'term'. Maybe I chose the wrong decision to be close with you guys. I only could put my full trust to the person who stays nearby. Because he's the only one that I could only relate. I really pity him. Have to handle alot of stuffs while others just "close one eye" - Don't bother to help.

Just now my friends had done some filming in my room, a short one. I just got an idea for the corporate video.....

A guy sneaked into one room, full of stacks with books. Then found something that caught his eye. Then the idea continue to sparkle. Haha. :)

There's a reason behind all these.

I need to just persevere a bit longer.

By God's will, the efforts will paid off.

Never regret.

I just don't know. How long I could fake a smile. Hmm. Things had never be the same , even if I comprehend the situation that you're facing .

What a productive day.

Here are the pics that I promised myself to upload... :)

Most of it were blurry, so I decided not to upload it. Heh. :D

What a nice 2days away from the hustle and bustle of the city.. It's so peaceful as well.

Well, I can't tell much over here, cause pictures tell a thousand words. lol.

Well,

Malas, malas nak upload gambar. nnt2 je lah.

Lappy nie lah jadi teman aku all the way until now. Almost every night when I switch u on, your mighty beast start to impress me with your not-so-quick boot up timimg. lol...

The neck-wrecked one was kinda pity when I used it for the last time, yesterday.. I had used you for a month plus, well, I have a good time transferring all my files, and then you gone mad. I have no choice but to format it all over again. It's a hassle, but I sometimes do pressure you with many applications working in the background.. But it's just part of my test, even this mighty white beast has it all stable and under control. haha. :)

See, I got alot of things to finish by tomorrow , yet I still can blog? What's wrong with me huh.

I've been somehow expecting one of my close friends coming either last friday, or yesterday, to the extent, even today; nobody turned up. Well never mind, I could understand.

Well, what to do, people are getting busier nowadays, It's like I have no life tweeting/blogging alone here. I just need somewhere/someone to express my emotions. Dah tkde org nak guling. Dah tkde org nak kenekan. Dah tkde org nak bercerita. It's just the serious work that pressures me, walaupun Lillahi Ta'ala.

Anyway, Just an information, the girl used to like me now unblocked me and add me as friend. I chose not to ignore cos I somehow pity her. Well, somehow. lol. But I never liked her at the first place. hah.

Now I've got 2 things to finish by the end of today. Video by noon, cover design by evening. Then probably I'll settle down by Tuesday evening. So, it's all set. Now I'm done here. OH wait, before that, one, final thing to say.

You.

I can't even tell myself how I'm feeling right now. I only kept silent. I was on my way back home. Before that I went to KFC for dinner. alone. How hateful I am being alone most of the time. Yes maybe some times was the best but this was most of the time. A couple stood facing each other, just a place away from my seat. Immediately, I was reminscing our moments that we shared together... Even though it's just close to nothing but it was just, meaningful. I can't help it but to make myself 'cheerful' at that time. Yeah.

See, I've got alot of things to tell.

Eventhough I'm delightful cause I got accepted to the course that I wanted to.. that doesn't mean I'd be happy as a whole. For my future, yes. For myself, maybe, or maybe not. {this whole story in italic sebenarnya copy-paste dari letter, well, some of it. } I just browse through your tweets when I'm on break... It's pretty much the same as what you feel before.

Only that I have to be patient and understand.

Those two are really heavy to put your shoulder on and carry it around. I have to build my courage, just to overcome my depressions.

"kan aku pulak yang kene pujuk ALAHAIS :)"

Last but not least,

"When you finally manage to put a ring on my finger when im older later, then i'll call you my boyfriend. For now, masih tk stable. :)" (5 Nov)

I'll keep that in mind. :)

That's all , nights. Even if it's 2 in the morning.

Hello.

Am leaning on my bed. Well, menyandarlah actually. heh. :)

Last 2 days of trip to kampung was awesome! had fun time with my family and all. :) It was a treasurable moment which could never be replaced. The epic moment is when I ride on a motorbike and fell off into a curb, which is full of grass. Luckily, without scraches and all. :D

The best thing that ever happened is I got to see fireworks near my own eyes. The effect was so immense until it shook the earth. k fake, lol.

It' took 4 days for me to finish just a blog post. Got alot of errands to seettle. hah.

Got photos to upload over here.... later then..

Last say before leaving this site.

It's been 4 days. I miss you. A text from you could calm me. I felt uneasy till now.

See, until now I havent post her letter yet. I miss her. and Who's Harold? Leaving me a question mark that maybe you can answer and I could comprehend. :/ This is what's currently in my mind now.

I couldn't be that strong enough for the past few days. It trembles me so much that I've broke down and nobody to sulk with. Gosh I'm such a dramatic person. In the heart. :P

I'd slept alot less than usual, my eyes are painful, my mind urges me to sleep (almmost all the time) and The feeling of mourning is just getting worse.

I don't know how to end this thing(I mean the worst feelings ever had).

Maybe I'm not good enough for you.

Maybe I made you mad most of the time.

Maybe...... I don't know.

This made me even scared. Scared that something will happen in the future. Unexpected things. Sometimes, Hoping is just a significant thing to do. If you expect the least of anything.

I thank God for giving me life. And the people around me. I'm blessed. And I'm happy with it.

And lastly,

Kalau awak dah jumpa pengganti,

saya akan lepaskan awak.

Kerana saya gembira tengok awak bahagia.